That Xanga Entry Awhile Ago.

Hi, I'm an ________ person.

What was to be put in that mysterious blank?

Here's the word: Insecure.

I guess it's something that I can't really help. Even when I try not to take it the wrong way, sometimes I do. But I have become less insecure, thankfully. I'm a lot more comfortable with who I am now, I think.

But since this still is a big flaw of mine, I can't really say much on this topic.

Oh geez. I'll work on it.

Trailing Thoughts.

posted and privated on my xanga.

Hey you.

I haven't been this frustrated for a long time.
The last time I was this frustrated was... i don't even know.

I guess, at the time I needed a breather, i don't know. stuff just happened.

I just started having some glimpses of the future and.. i couldn't really keep myself contained. bah.

It really wasn't "judgment" - it's just that I guess I worry too much sometimes. I just cared a little too much.
I don't see you any differently - it just caught me off guard when you said you didn't a few minutes ago, and then did it right in my face the next minute. And I believed it, so I felt stupid, worried, and kinda betrayed. And other stuff happened over the week that didn't really help my mental situation. then my frustration won over me and I felt some... let's call it "physical emotional expression" creeping up on me. So I didn't want it to show - so I couldn't turn around.

So I called my mom, and just asked her when she was coming home - idk. I guess her voice made me feel comfortable. But feeling more comfortable, it was harder to keep this physical emotional expression from showing.

But, hey, thank goodness no one was home today. Just let it all out once I walked in the door. Home sweet home, y'know? :)

I don't consider myself any stronger than you are, but maybe I am. I don't know. I don't really know anything about this stuff, so I honestly just don't know what I am eligible to say. But yeah, I guess my logic was that if you never needed it before, why do you NEED it now? I guess it's just something I don't understand entirely.

Sorry for my unnecessary intervention.
I happen to do that a lot. eh.

Goooodbye :)

Crazy

Sometimes, things get a little crazy.

And then I get a little crazy.

Then the whole world seems a little crazy.

And then.. I get caught in all this entropy - and I feel lost.

I don't know about anything anymore.

God, help me.

please.

Flying Solo

I have no personal interests in anyone. It's strangely comfortable, but at the same time, lonely.

Well, actually, having no "love" interest at the moment is a tiny factor in my loneliness.

I don't know anyone I can really call a close friend anymore. I'm largely a separate part of any group of people I have managed to squeeze in. I can't even really consider myself a part of them, I guess. I wonder how this'll change in college. I hope I can be a more integrated part of some kind of group - not just any group either. But a group that I can rely on - unconditionally.

Maybe this is too much to ask though, eh?

Would be nice, though. A change of pace - somewhere I could.. kinda belong, I guess. Somewhere I can feel comfortable and not the one that just doesn't belong.

I just want a friend that'll unconditionally stand by my side. Someone that I can forever be close with.

I feel so alone these days.

--

Well, changing the mood here, haha.

I wish I could attend the GMC rally and the actual competition. I hope and pray that these guys can make it to the second round! Lead them there, God! I'll cheer them on from wherever I am on Saturday. Prayers are with you guys - Show 'em what SPC's got! Show 'em what God has done for us!